Stream of consciousness...

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Smart people = crazy/eccentric people… I love Norman because of all the eclectic businesses and eccentric people. The town has a charm that is perpetuated by the people. And I have something in common with them all… we all chose to live out our lives in the place that makes us the happiest. This is the place I first called home. Despite growing up in a small town of my own… I never knew what home felt like until I moved to Norman. I learned that home wasn’t just the four walls around you. A late realization for a 21 year old, most of my friends knew what home us long before me. 

But those people,  most of the people I knew in high school, weren’t my friends. I know now they were mere acquaintances along my path. A path that was very very different than theirs. A path less travelled. I believe those of us who choose a less travelled path, whether it be conscious or subconscious, want to be able to tell a grand story at the end of our lives. And we want it to be true. I have a hard time sitting still in my life for too long because I’m afraid of missing out on an experience in life. 

Now… what you find to be an interesting or worthwhile life experience may differ from my definition. In fact, I’m sure it probably does. I’m learning that perhaps I want to experience the full emotional spectrum of life. This makes me reckless from time to time. Like a need for another bump, I seek-out self-destruction. All for my next high… the next emotional speedway I can crash my heart into. Only then am I living. Feeling a higher high, or lower low then I’ve ever felt before. Before – when I was safe, trying to follow the beaten path. I failed… happily – because it meant adding a chapter to my story. The story of my life… written from my home, safe and sound.

Dear Sofia,

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Dear Sofia,

Although you are just a baby, I have BIG dreams for you! I hope someday you have big dreams too. I want you to grow up to be whatever your heart desires, and I hope to have a happy, healthy relationship with you for the rest of my life!

I'd like to make you some promises that I hope will help you achieve your dreams and give you the mother-daughter relationship that you deserve.

First, I promise to always listen to you...

While you are a baby, I will listen to your cries and respond promptly, when you learn to talk, I will listen to your babbles intently and talk back. When you grow into a young lady, I will listen to your problems and share my experiences with you so that I may be your guide. And when, finally, you become an adult, I promise to continue to listen to you with the same intensity as I did when you were a child. I will be open to learning from your experiences (because they will be different than mine) and will take your critics of myself seriously, working each day to be the mother you deserve - even in adulthood.

Next, I promise to always put your needs before my own...

Whether your needs are financial, emotional or physical, I will always make sure you are taken care of, no matter my personal sacrifice. While you are a baby, I will sacrifice my sleep so that you are well rested and feel secure. When you grow into a child, I will forego new clothes or other luxuries so that you can take dance lessons and be a ballerina (or whatever other dream your heart desires). When you become a teen and begin to struggle with defining yourself and making adult choices, I will put aside my own emotional stress and give you advice that is best for you (and not only given to make myself feel better). And when you are an adult, and have a baby of your own one day, I will again sacrifice sleep and physical comfort so that I can be there for you (emotionally, physically and financially) during those first few difficult months of your baby's life.

Last, I promise to be your biggest fan and support you always...

When you take your first steps (which won't be long now!) I will clap my hands and rejoice your new found skill! When you fall, I will be there to pick you up, dust you off, and encourage you to try again. When  you, bring home your first "A" from school, I will proudly display it on our fridge. When you bring home your first "F", I will be there to help you study and overcome any challenges you have so that you can succeed. When you bring home your first boyfriend, I will get to know him and try my best to see what you see in him. When you have your first heartbreak, I promise to be your best friend as well as your mom and help you move forward. When you move away for the first time, I promise to help you (no matter how sad it will make me) and call you every week. And if you decide you weren't ready and come home, I'll save a room for you. When you choose your career, I will learn all about what you do and be interested in your work! And when you lose your first job, I'll be there to help you with the bills if needed. And when you become a mom, I will support you with all that I have learned and will continue to learn as you grow into the beautiful woman you will someday be.

My dearest Sofia, these things I promise you and so many many more. Know that no matter where life takes you, I will always be by your side, no matter how old you get or how far apart we are.

Love always,
Mom