I cried at the end of Yoga class tonight. I often do. As I sat there, still, focusing on my breathe, listening to the soft music, and making my mind still - my thoughts drifted to the phrase "let go." It's something I struggle with, letting go. But I think that's part of why I write - and do so publicly. It adds a layer of accountability to my growth. I must continue to improve, to better understand myself, so that I can achieve a more steady, consistent feeling of inner peace. I have no shame in admitting my flaws - I have many. I have no shame in sharing who I truly am. My mistakes, my flaws, my weaknesses, they are as much a part of me as the strength and wisdom I have gained in my short 32 years. They are an honest account of who I am.
I had a new close friend recently tell me I was one of the most loyal and true people she has ever known. And not only as a friend to her, but to myself, to my emotions, and to whatever is going on at any given time in my life. This is by far the greatest compliment I have ever received. She did not tell me all the great things there are about me. She told me I was real. And that my realness and honesty are why she values me. I am so grateful to see that there are people who appreciate me for my honesty, my rawness, and my forthcoming nature. By design, I am not one to hide. I face life, and all it's obstacles head on. I may make mistakes and push people away in the process, but I would not be true to myself if I did anything less.
So, I cried after Yoga tonight. I cried because I am struggling to let go of a life I once knew. I am struggling because I am growing. I am struggling because I am human. We are all struggling. There is no shame in that.