Over the passage of time, we become more wise. But wisdom is only gained when it is prefaced with reflection. And reflection takes time. Whether I want to or not, I find myself in a constant state of reflection. Trying to either come to peace with the bad, or reminisce in the good, I am a daydreamer of epic proportions. I find myself stuck in reflection mode quite often, clinging to the happy, glossing over the gloom - not a bad way to be. But utterly unrealistic and useless. More simply put, I get stuck in my own past. As we all tend to do from time to time. But when I have a few moments of clarity, of wisdom, I gain a profound inner peace. A peace that can be found only after the amount of time necessary to reflect as much as I need in order to let go of whatever memory or attachment to which I cling.
Yet, I fear this passage of time. I seem to have little to no control over wrangling the amount of it this process takes, and I feel as though I am wasting time thinking. (Is a thought ever a waste? I wonder...). Although seemingly necessary to get from Point A (a state of uncontrollable emotion) to Point B (a state of inner peace), I can never seem to embrace the healing power of time. My impatience is my weakness. As I watch the days, weeks, months tick by, as I reflect - I still push to speed up the job only time can do. And in the process, often create more problems, thereby requiring even more time to pass before I can once again reach Point B.
Time. My precious enemy. I need you but I don't want to wait. I fear between now and then I am missing moments that would be far more fulfilling than this purgatory I have entered. I want to tell the people I love, I love them NOW! I don't want to wait for the time to be right. The time is right now. Tomorrow, the people I love could be gone. Time, you are impermanent. You are fleeting. You are not real. Your passage heals only because our minds are too slow, we are too distracted, we do not focus on what is truly important. We are not present minded, so we create this illusion of time to comfort our feeble hearts and trick ourselves into believing in "someday..." There is no someday, there is no time - there is only now.